Handicapped????

I'm a pretty easygoing person. If there's one thing I can't stand it's "Mommy Wars" and drama. But every once in awhile a thread at Triplet Connection comes along that I just can't resist! I can't say what I'm really thinking over there; I have to go easy. So here I am.

Bit of background: there is an ongoing argument (not to be confused with all the other ongoing arguments!) in MommyLand over whether a Triplet Mommy "needs" a handicapped sticker for her car. It sounds great, doesn't it? We have these big honkin' strollers to get out of the car, multiple babies to load in. It's hard, in a crowded parking lot. It's dangerous. No one's arguing those points! It's a fact!

But we all have to learn to deal with it. Hell, it's hard and dangerous even with one baby. Frankly, I had more "close calls" with my first than I ever did with the triplets. Maybe I was more cautious with them because of the added danger factor? Or maybe I was just inexperienced the first time. Who knows!?

Some parents don't want to deal with it. They want special privileges, special treatment, just because they have multiple babies. Some feel they need it; others merely feel entitled to it. Either way - it's appalling!

Here is the OP on TC, followed by just a few of the replies:

"For those of you who have handicapped hangtags, who signed the form for you - your Dr or your Pedi.?If there is a list of reasons for the hangtag, what did you select? In my state, a police officer can also sign for it, but when I went to the police station, they said that they won't sign it (they don't sign them for anyone).Please - no judgements - I didn't think I would need one until a few recent close calls in shopping center parking lots. I live in an urban area and I'm having trouble loading/unload the kids into their stroller and I believe the people can't see the stroller when backing up and a few cars have come VERY close to backing into the stroller! If I can get a hangtag, then I'll have enough room to put the stroller between the cars and load the kids. "

A few of the replies:

You don't need one, nor should you have one. Park further out and walk.There are people who truly need those spots and have difficulty getting out and about.

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My father has a disability and needs those spaces. Don't park in them. Having triplets is not a disability. Unless you have a disabled child you do not need a handicapped tag. Please don't abuse the system.

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You can find ways to make parking lots safer.
gotta say my kids are 6 years old and we have had many years of experience in parking lots. Do they make me nervous...yes-still to this day and my kids are no longer in a stroller. Did I ever think of getting a handicap card because of it....no. I have chosen to park further away driving around parking lots until a safe spot opened up if I had to. Wait till you have to walk with all three holding hands. The danger is still there of someone backing into you. You learn to be extra cautious and find safer parking spots. Save the handicap cards for the handicap they need them more than you.

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Then the OP responded defensively that she hadn't been clear in her first post, that she hadn't explained her entire situation, blah blah and how dare you judge ME! I responded to this with:

It actually DOES seem pretty clear to me. DO you have a reason, or not? If so, why are you asking total strangers which reason THEY selected? You
specifically state that you want one because of "close calls", and you have been offered tips on how to deal with those. Look, when you post on a public board, you're going to get differing opinions, some of which may include judgments, even (perhaps especially!) when you ask to not have them (that's sort of a sign that you KNOW it's a controversial subject!). That's just the way it is. If you have a reason for the tag -- that's between you, your doctor and your state - not anyone else.

To some of you who seem to think it's ok beause lots of people have them that don't need them -

#1, how do you KNOW they don't need them? They may be like my friend, who is 35 and looks completely healthy but has a severe heart problem...and gets yelled at every time she uses hers, so she sometimes chooses to put her health at risk and walk, rather than get comments like "Glad to see your handicap is not
physical!". You can't always see someone's problem.

#2 - how on earth would it make it right just because "everyone else is doing it"? Wait till your kids come at you with that line.

The fact is, having multiples is NOT a handicap, even if it is inconvenient at times. We all have to learn to deal with it. It's called life.

I can't really add too much to what I wrote there. For one thing, it absolutely amazes me that so many people go to TC and ask complete STRANGERS for advice they should be getting from professionals! Medical advice, for instance. What the hell? Why are you on a message board posting about whether or not this is premature labor, instead of getting your ass to the ER pronto?? No wonder everyone is always so suspicious! Is that REALLY something a real mom would do??

But I digress. The point is, if the woman had an actual, real reason for a handicapped tag, then first of all she would have gotten one rather than post on TC asking for adice. Secondly, her first post made it clear that she does NOT have a reason. She simply wants parking lot life to be less stressful on herself. At least call it what everyone knows it is!

I really do have a 35 year old friend who looks healthy. She is trim and beautiful and looks perfectly fit, but is not. The fact is she can not walk more than a few feet without panting. She did not ask for a handicapped tag but was given one by her doctor who insists she use it for her own good. Truly, she knows it's best. But the fact is she rarely uses it. I can't tell you how many times I myself have witnessed the insults she recieves when getting out of her car. People - you can't always judge people's health by their looks! Admittedly, I used to do the same thing. Only when I saw it for myself with my friend did I realize what an asshole that made me.

So when I see comments like this it really, really pisses me off:

"There are a LOT of people out there that have one and they in no way need one!!! Us MoM's (or just mom's with several young children period) need one more
than most people that have one. JMO."

Oh, really?? Are you their doctor...NO? Then shut up! How dare you! Your statement is an insult to any parent who has ever successfuly parked their car and gone into the store without losing a kid. Get over yourself! The world does not owe you an easy time!

I understand wanting life to be easier. Having triplets is HARD, no doubt about it. But it's life. There's a difference between making things easier in appropriate ways and having a sense of entitlement. There's a difference between accepting help or even humbly asking for it, and demanding it. There's a difference between accepting free gifts offered by companies, or even asking nicely for a discount, and demanding it. There's a difference between having a medical reason for a handicap tag and demanding one just because you don't want to take the extra time to do things differently.

And be THANKFUL that you don't have a REAL handicap!!

Edited to add: a friend had an interesting comment about this subject. The same people who think they "deserve" the handicap sticker are the same ones who will gripe when a mom with one kid is using the multi-kid cart at Wal-Mart! Yeah, I think she's probably right...