"Reality" TV

I don't watch much TV. Most days, I don't watch any at all. One thing I would never purposefully turn on is any sort of "Day in the life" reality show. I have enough to do in my own family. I don't need to see the networks' spin on how anyone else handles theirs.

So I have never, even once, watched "Jon and Kate Plus 8". I know, it's very popular. It's highly lauded for the most part on the Triplet Connection message board, although one would never know otherwise as we are not allowed to post negatively about them (apparently they are members there...I've never seen them but that doesn't mean anything. I'm none too active myself.). Point is I have read snippets about them, seen the recipe for "Monkey Munch", etc.

I never paid too much attention until recently when someone posted a link. They were hoping the info was not true...the link was to this blog. Having nothing to do at the moment, and knowing the TC post would be immediately deleted so I wouldn't get another chance, I clicked. Then clicked again...then did a Google search...it just so happened I was lying in bed sick at the time so I had the entire day to lie around surfing online.

What I found was appalling to me. Not for anything to do with the way they raise their kids, whether they are lying about anything or not, how they treat their family members...although it certainly does raise an eyebrow. One reason I don't care about "reality" TV is that I'm pretty sure it's NOT reality. Depending on the mood of the producer, it will show them in a good, negative or neutral light, whatever they think will bring in ratings at the time. I know, they can't show what doesn't happen -- but hell, if I had a TV camera following me around all day, every day, I'm sure they could piece together a pretty convincing episode of me being nothing more than a screeching bitch. And apparently, the "train wreck" is attracting new viewers, so who knows what is really true?

That's not what bothers me. THIS is what bothers me. I'm not sure where I got this link. It was on one of the message boards or blogs I came across the other day. It's a message to not the Gosselins, but the McCaughey's after the birth of their septuplets.

Advice from the Dionne Quintuplets

Some notable quotes from the letter:

Multiple births should not be confused with entertainment, nor should they be an opportunity to sell products

.

Our lives have been ruined by the exploitation we suffered...

...to those who would seek to exploit the growing fame of these children, we say beware.

We sincerely hope a lesson will be learned from examining how our lives were forever altered by our childhood experience. If this letter changes the course of events for these newborns, then perhaps our lives will have served a higher purpose.

I don't think the lesson has been learned.

I remember learning about the Dionne Quints when I was a child. My parents remember well how the children were put on parade and displayed like circus animals. As a child when I heard of this. I could not comprehend it. I know I was cognizant enough to wonder WHAT their parents could have been thinking??? And I wonder the same thing with every new "Family Reality" show that comes out. WHAT are they thinking? It's one thing for consenting adults to choose to do this themselves. But to get their children involved? I wonder if the Gosselins have seen the letter from the Dionnes? Those precious girls, old women now, only three left, who never got to live a normal life? Whose lives even as adults are screwed up by the poor choices of the adults who are supposed to be looking out for their best interests? Do other parents not care, or do they just not worry, or my guess is they just don't THINK?

Sudden visual of Scarlett O'Hara..."I'll think about it tomorrow"...

I pray that they will open their eyes SOON and see the damage, potential though it may be, and STOP the madness.

No college funds? Me neither. Yes, it's scary. My oldest is going next year. He's going to have to do the best he can with financial aid and the generosity of a family member who has set up a fund for our children. My other children will have to do the same, because honestly, we have not been able to save anything at all. Clothing? We got a lot of ours at yard sales. I gave up matching outfits pretty quickly the first time one got dirty and I felt like I had to change both of them. Did we have a lot of help when they were babies? YES!! A LOT of help, even from strangers, and I am grateful for every bit of it! Did I accept freebies from generous companies? YES!! I accepted even the formula I didn't plan to use. Once I knew I was able to nurse and didn't need it I did pass it on. Did we consider ever doing any sort of show business with them to help out? YES! We looked into advertising and modeling, especially with two identical boys. It didn't work out, and now hearing from others who only did a couple of spots, I'm glad. It doesn't seem worth it, to me, although I would never judge anyone who decides to do a few.

And I would never ask, but if someone had offered me a house or a van I would jump at it!

I think the families who allow occasional magazine articles and/or TV specials have it right, especially if they insist on as much control as possible. I have watched these specials, I especially enjoy the McCaughey's as she was expecting them around the same time I was my third. I do enjoy reading the articles and seeing the pictures.

But day to day exposure? Professional lights installed in the house? Parents' room is off limits to cameras but children's are NOT?? WHAT are they thinking??

Please, someone think of the children! Not about paying for the children -- about THE CHILDREN themselves! There is just NO WAY this can be good for them. Stop the madness!

Do What You Gotta. Or Shut Up!

When I found out I was expecting triplets, it forced a huge lifestyle change in more ways than one! The first thing we had to do was to figure out how I would do bed rest for three months, with three young children to care for, in the summertime so I didn't even have school to help me!

Obviously, I would not be able to do it on my own. Hubby had to work. Oldest was 10, Second was 7 - old enough to help out some, but not too much. Third was 3, and having a LOT of trouble adjusting to this turn of events. A "spirited" (the PC word for difficult, or high-demand) child to begin with, he got worse! Poor thing, I am not criticizing him, I know it must have been hard. But it's just the way it was, and I'm setting the scene.

Thankfully my parents live in town. Mom swung into action. First they took the kids on a trip, the same week my bed rest started. While they were gone we tried to figure out how to manage. I have some really awesome friends who stepped up without even being asked, and offered to go above and beyond to help me. I won't even try to name them all here, because I don't want to leave anyone out! I'll just say, I have the best parents, and the best friends, in the universe!!

At first we tried having me lie on the couch during the day, with the kids peacefully playing together around me, bringing me bonbons and iced tea at my command, fluffing my pillows and showing the strong love and loyalty of brotherhood in action, me reading them stories and admiring their artwork (which would be on paper, not the wall), and helping them build miniature lego creations. We would sit quietly together and chat about life and eat snacks and.....

HA!!

No, really.

Well - it was a nice thought, anyway. It lasted about half a day, when poor little Third - and I know this was innocent - jumped on my stomach as I read him a story. Then, when reminded about the babies, shouted "I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!"

And why should he care? His world was being turned upside down and he didn't like it one bit. He was THREE, for crying out loud. Something had to change! So the decision was made that plans would have to be made for the kids. Day care (optimistically called "Summer Day Camp" in the summertime) was a possibility but very expensive. Here's where my friends really stepped in. One handled the master schedule and arranged for Third to be taken care of - out of the house. I'm not going to go into how Third reacted to that, right now. Suffice to say, it was not pretty, and I spent most mornings in tears focused on the many ways I had failed my little boy. But that's a topic for another day, and he's over it now, anyway. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. And that, in a nutshell, is actually the point of this post!

I was a very selfish person growing up and for years after that. I worked hard to overcome that and think I did a pretty good job. I became a giver, not a taker. I actually enjoyed giving and helping others. I didn't see that the flip side of that was that I no longer liked to take or be helped. I figured because I had taken so much in the past I'd had my share, maybe. If I thought about it at all. Point is - I hadn't realized how much I would HATE being on the needy end. And I mean HATE! I found myself first trying to turn people down, then spent the rest of the time apologizing for needing help in the first place. Boy, did God have some lessons to teach me in humility. Luckily my friends were awesome enough to tell me to get over myself. So I bit my tongue and accepted the help. I was still not ready to ask for it, though. I vowed I would never get to that point.

Then the babies were born. I was up and around then, but had the NICU to visit and milk to produce. School was back in, so that helped a lot. Third was now in preschool, and we chose the all day program to give him some stability while we all got used to these babies.

Then they came home, all at once. Wow. I will save a lot of time and jump straight to the day, several weeks later, when they were all crying at once and there was absolutely no consoling them. They swung screaming in their swings - back and forth, back and forth. I tried everything I knew. Finally I turned up the music, and rocked back and forth in the glider, crying myself, singing at the top of my lungs some song I can't remember but it was about how awesome God is. At some point I could no longer sing and just cried...finally I said, God, you're going to have to do something. I didn't ask for these babies, and I can't take care of them. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I am still ashamed to admit I said such a thing. Just goes to show I still have a lot to learn about humility.

At that moment Mom arrived, took one look and sent me to bed while she tended to the babies (who all stopped crying immediately, go figure). I felt much better after that, and in the evening I got a phone call.

It was C. I didn't know her, had never heard of her but somehow she had gotten my name. Her Bible Study group wanted to help me out, with stuff or babysitting or help around the house or whatever I needed. What's more, she had served as a volunteer coordinator with a local family when they had quads, still had the list of volunteers, and would be happy to do the same for me and even to find the volunteers!

I have to admit, while I was still reluctant to ask for help, my reluctance to accept it had flown out the window that day with my babies' cries.

So a few days later found me greeting a complete stranger at the front door. I showed her in, showed her where the basic supplies were, introduced her to the babies and went straight to bed.

Leaving a complete stranger in charge of my three infants.

For THREE HOURS.

And never felt guilty about it for one moment!

C's ladies came over for about the first year. C on Tuesday, L on Wednesday, S on Thursday. There were others, but those are the three that came regularly all year. There is no way I could ever put a price on what they did for me. There is no way I will ever be able to repay them. No words to even express exactly what they did for me. I can tell you one thing, though - they were sent by God Himself. They were angels!

Now to the meat of this post. There are people in this world who would rather whine and complain than do anything about it. There is a woman on a triplet site I visit who comes on almost daily to complain - of her lot in life, her lack of help, how she doesn't have time to visit her baby in the NICU - anything. Everything! She says she wants support, but no one is really sure what she wants - because any supportive comment or offer of advice or help is instantly met with negativity and turned away. People have offered to sit with her other children so she can go to the hospital. No - she can't have strangers watching her kids. Fine, she is told - I will come to the hospital and play with the kids in the waiting room so you can go in. No, that is still having strangers watch them. She is too broke for day care, but apparently not broke enough to qualify for aid. Or she doesn't have time to apply. Or they aren't returning her calls. There is always, ALWAYS an excuse. Maybe some of them are true, but when everything ends up with a negative, you have to wonder...

I can't fault anyone for not wanting to leave their kids with strangers... you think I haven't thought of all that COULD have happened if my helpers were bad people? But these women have even offered to get to know her and the kids so they won't be strangers anymore. Seems like a no brainer to me! But the biggest thing is - and this has always been a pet peeve of mine - don't complain if you are not willing to hear solutions! Don't ask questions if you don't want to hear an answer! There comes a time when it is time to STOP WHINING and START DOING. It's not rocket science! You gotta do what you gotta do - and if it means "lowering yourself" to accept help so that you can visit your SICK BABY in the hospital, that's what you do! If it's not, then you are just whining for the sake of whining, and I can't respect that. Especially if there are kids involved and suffering.

I'm thankful for the lessons in humility that I learned over the past few years. I pray that this mother will learn them before it's too late to help her baby.

The Thing About Plastic

Have you been keeping up with the latest about plastic?

I don't watch the news, I don't often read the paper. I get most of my news when something jumps out at me from my Google Homepage, or if I read about it on one of my forums. One parenting forum has been all a-buzz lately with talk about plastic.

More specifically, it's BPA that is causing a stir. BPA is bisphenol-a, a chemical used in some types of plastic. Apparently it leaches into food and liquids (especially hot stuff) and can cause all sorts of health problems, including hormonal and developmental issues, tumor growth and cancer.

I usually pay no attention to the health hype of the week, simply because the way it normally goes is that by next week it won't be as bad as it sounded and there will be something else gonna make us all die. Plus, plastic is everywhere. Is it really realistic to stop using it? Heck, it's in our mouths; two of my kids got dental sealants last week and will be getting it in their fillings next. Hmm, which of the three dental options to go for...mercury, plastic or rotten teeth? I can stop buying canned soup (BPA is widely used in the liners of food cans) and make my own. I can store it in those Ziploc containers...nope. Baggies? No....Tupperware? They refuse to comment, so who knows...So yeah, homemade soup is initially healthier for us but ultimately it all goes into the plastic somehow. I can't afford to buy everything in glass containers. I can't afford to buy everything fresh, although I do buy lots fresh, and bring it home to store in....plastic.

I hope you get my point. It is simply not realistic for me to completely be rid of this, even if I try as hard as I can. I'm guessing it's the same for most families. And will getting rid of a little make any difference at all? Well, the jury is out on that.

But one of the effects of this is cancer and tumor growth. My Dad already has cancer, as we found out last month, so I did tell him about this so he can make informed choices. He is opting for alternative treatment for now, so he's eating everything fresh. But storing it in plastic, of course. No-win situation.

Apparently some of the biggest risk is to young and unborn babies. Pregnant moms - please keep an eye on your plastic use. Bottle feeding moms - it's in most plastic bottles, so you may want to switch. Wal-Mart has already pulled bottles off their shelves, unless stated to be BPA free. Some ARE BPA free already, so do check! AND it is still in the liners of the formula cans. Powder is best. Canada is about to declare BPA as toxic and ban its use in baby bottles (although baby bottles seem to be the only item it will be banned in for now).

Guide to Baby-Safe Bottles & Formula

I will take this moment to get up on my soapbox and suggest breastfeeding! I nursed all my babies, including the triplets who never had a single drop of formula.

Also, check your plastic sippy cups, plates, cutlery.

NOT ALL PLASTICS CONTAIN BPA!!!
Most plastic items have a number, usually found on the bottom of an item, inside a little triangle like this:

The numbers are one through seven. The "bad" numbers - the BPA plastics - are 3, 6, and 7. Here is a list:

Which Plastics Are Safe?


Here are some links..I still can't find a whole lot, but these seem to be informative:

FDA reviewing plastic ingredient BPA

Study of Chemical in Plastic Bottles Raises Alarm

Canada likely to label plastic ingredient BPA 'toxic'

Toxic designation would not force bisphenol A off shelves

Cigarettes, asbestos, lead paint...among others were all once in common use until the dangers were really known. This won't be the last. As one mom on the parenting board said, parents used to load up their newborn infant in the car at the hospital, with no car seat, and drive home with the windows up and cigarettes lit. To put to bed in the crib painted with lead paint. Never knowing how dangerous it was. At least now, the parents who still do things like that have no excuse to say they "didn't know". It's all about information to make our choices. I don't know yet what to do about plastic. I have a fortune tied up in Tupperware. But I can use the information here to at least choose not to freeze or heat foods in dangerous plastics. I can choose to replace water bottles with safer ones. I can't eliminate it, but I can lessen it if I choose. I sought out this info to help me make choices for my family. I am posting it in case it may help someone else to do the same.

Customer Service Review - Quiznos

I'm a stickler for customer service. 'What's that?' You young whippersnapppers may ask - and with good reason! It's very hard to find these days. Ask your parents, and they may just remember it themselves, but maybe not. It was in style long ago...once upon a time...so many years ago that it does seem like a fairy tale. It involved companies actually trying to please their customers, and stuff like that. But I digress; on to the story.

It was a warm spring day. A and I headed into Quiznos for lunch after a morning at the dentist. He had seen the commercials and was in the mood for something "mmmmmmmToasty" for a change. So in we went. We are not frequent Quiznos customers, so we took longer than most at the menu board. Finally, our choices were made. He got the Italian Sub; I ordered the Baja Chicken with Bacon. It was a tough choice; a tossup between that and the Mesquite Chicken with Bacon. See, I love chicken, and I love bacon. But I really, really love cilantro -- so I chose the Baja.

At the other end of the toaster the clerk added the extra toppings. "I would really love some extra cilantro, please" I requested. The clerk gave me a funny look - "Oh, we don't have cilantro!" Interpreting this as meaning they were simply out - after all, the word cilantro and the little green leaves were very much in evidence in the pictures - I expressed my disappointment. The manager stepped forward as if irate at our discussion. "We're not OUT. We don't keep it here. It isn't practical for me to carry cilantro. Do you know how long it keeps? And that's the only sandwich that calls for it. Hardly anyone orders that sandwich. Why should I order it?"

"Well, because it's on the menu, and the menu says cilantro; maybe you should put a little note on the menu that you don't have any cilantro so that people know before they order?" I suggested.

"You are the first person to ever complain" he said.

"I don't see how that makes any difference...if it says there will be cilantro, there ought to be cilantro" I replied.

Long silence.

Deep sigh.

"Lady, if you want another sandwich, I will make you one. But we just don't have any cilantro!"

I didn't ask for another sandwich. It wasn't about the cilantro, anyway. It was about the fact that cilantro was specifically mentioned as an ingredient and he had simply decided that he would not only not make any effort whatsoever to provide the advertised product, but that he would also insult the intelligence of any customer who actually had the audacity to want the product as advertised.

I wonder what kind of leeway independent Quiznos owners have to alter the menu? But it's not about that, either. I am not demanding that he keep cilantro on hand. It makes absolutely no difference to me one way or another. What I DO have a problem with is that it is advertised as such. A small handwritten note on each picture / description in the store "Sorry, no cilantro" would completely satisfy me. False advertising is a little pet peeve of mine.

Since most people don't even seem to know what cilantro is, they probably don't know anything about the cost or shelf life either. I do buy it frequently. It's true that I can't personally use up a bunch of cilantro before it rots and I have to throw the rest out. It comes in a bunch like parsley, and costs about 75 cents a bunch in my store. It lasts in the fridge for about a week in the bag you got at the store. If I use it every day I still can't use it up before it rots.

So, let's figure this out, shall we? If hardly anyone ever orders the Baja Chicken, that means that they can buy one bunch of cilantro per week and not use it all up, it would be plenty for the needs of the week. At the end of the week they have spent 75 cents and throw the rest away. Maybe they didn't sell a single Baja - who knows. Who cares? It seems to me that 75 cents a week is a pittance to be sure that the customers who do want the Baja are happy. If the management disagrees, why not just take it off the menu altogether? The point is it will not bring them anywhere close to financial ruin to just get the cilantro! Nor would it to add a note to the menu. False advertising!

I don't exactly do boycotts, but I certainly do choose where to spend my money and time. I don't care for Quiznos for several reasons. They are too expensive for my budget, for food and atmosphere (I could go to Olive Garden for what I spent on that lunch). Their food isn't that great IMO (good, but not great). If I'm looking for a sandwich I much prefer Subway, and even without the current $5 footlong it's a better price. So I won't be back to Quiznos unless I am with someone who is either buying or insists on eating there.

Imagine, this entry could have been avoided if they had simply put a note on the sign - or just told me they were out of cilantro. How hard is it to just sell what you advertise? How hard is it to just advertise only what you will sell?

A had a good question as we ate. "What if they decided they didn't want to buy any more ham? Would it be OK to just leave it off the sandwich and not say anything, and then treat the customers like idiots for asking?" Yeah, I know it's an extreme example....or is it?

Big Girl

I'm so proud of my Big Girl.

As we all know, one of the problems with having triplets in separate classes is spreading yourself around as a parent volunteer. Not the least of these occasions is the dreaded Field Trip.

At our school, each class is allowed to have four parents accompany them. We're not a school that has a shortage of willing parents, so there is a lottery system. You let them know you're interested by the deadline, and they put all the names in a hat and choose four. If you get picked for one, you're not in the lottery for the next, unless there's a shortage (which is rare!).

I discussed this with one teacher early in the year, and it was decided that I would put my name in for all three classes each time, and if I get picked for more than one, we would go from there. That didn't happen, though, and I went with Mrs. H's class the first time.

So this time (there are only two field trips this year) I put my name in for Mrs. L's and Mrs. M's. I was chosen by Mrs. M.

OK, that's the background. Yesterday Girlie brought home a note from Mrs. M:

"I just discovered that Hrs. H only has one volunteer signed up, while Mrs. L and I had to turn some away. Would you be willing to go with Mrs. H's class instead? It's totally up to you, but please let me know ASAP so that we know how to proceed."

Girlie knew the situation already, so I asked her what she thought I should do. She immediately said "Mrs. H needs you, so you should go with them."

"Are you sure? You know that means I won't be with you" I replied. I asked her this twice, and she said yes, like it was no problem. So I started to write the note back to Mrs. M.

A few minutes later she stood in front of me, lower lip quivering. As tears welled up in her eyes, she said bravely "Maybe you can go on a field trip with me next year".

AWWWWWWW!!!!!

Well, I knew something had to be done. I thought for a minute, and then presented a couple of possibilities I thought of. The best one, in my opinion was for me to go with Mrs. H's class, but have Girlie get to go with my group. This would require permission from the principal, and would also mean that Girlie would miss out on one of the cool aspects of being a chaperone's kid - choosing her bestest friends to be in her group. But she agreed that it was a good compromise (How long, I wonder, will Mommy win out over bestest friends? I dunno, but I'll take it. ).

I'm so proud of Girlie, first for being willing to help where help was needed. When she came to me with tears, she was not trying to take back her decision - just letting me know how she felt. So I'm very proud of her for that. I'm not sure *I* could be big enough to do that! And finally I am really proud of her for being willing and able to compromise. She didn't have to, you know. The teacher left it totally up to me. I would have gone with her decision if she wanted me to go with her class. It's the teacher's problem to get chaperones, and there were other solutions (like dividing up Mrs. H's students among other classes). I would not have thought any less of her for saying she wanted to keep things as originally planned. But it's her nature to be helpful, so I am not surprised she chose as she did.

The story ends well...we got permission from all parties to transfer Girlie for the day. Girlie is thrilled! M is thrilled, because I get to go with him after all. He gets both field trips this year, but has not rubbed that in at all, and S doesn't seem to mind. I had prepared them for the certainty of "unfairness" at the beginning of the year, and they have done a great job of being happy for each other instead of feeling sorry for themselves if they don't get the same thing. So I'm really proud of all of them.

More on Customer Service - Nintendo

I'm the first one to complain about bad customer service, the death of customer service, etc. I have another experience I'd like to share.

My boys went rushing out yesterday with their saved up cash and gift cards, to buy Super Smash Brothers, and some extra Wii-motes and accessories for their Wii. They had planned to spend the rest of the day playing their new game. They were so excited!

But when they got home, the game wouldn't play! An error message kept popping up. Sometimes the game would come up, then crash. They did try other games and found that it happened with all of them. I got kicked off my computer so they could look it up. "Call for Service" it said. Ahhhhh.....not good news. There was no joy in my house.

The Big Kid made the call. I would have offered to, probably insisted, but he did it before I knew it. He waited semi-patiently through all the automated stuff (he had it on speaker. You would not believe how many times they warn you that this phone call may be monitored or recorded! )

Finally, Jay came on the line and listened to the tale. You probably won't be surprised, being familiar with the way our luck runs, to find that our unit is out of warranty - by TWO WEEKS. Now, what does that usually mean? You're on your own, bucko. Pleasure doing business with you. *shrug*

Jay cheerfully informed my son that although the unit was out of warranty they would honor it anyway. THEN he said they would extend it for another year! "How much does that cost?" asked The Big Kid. "Your only cost will be any packing materials you need", said Jay. "You have a printer? Hang on, I'll e-mail you a prepaid FedEx label." WHA!!

So, while they still didn't get to play (Big Kid did. He went to a friend's house, and came home more dejected than ever for not having it here.) they are very happy. MEGA Kudos to Nintendo for their customer service (I'll report again when it's all said and done in 11-16 days ). They made my boys very happy. And the Mommy too, of course, from whose pocket would have been rendered the cost, I'm sure!

Update: the Wii was returned via FedEx in exactly 11 days! WOW!!!

Library Fine

The note read, "Behavior Contract for 8th Grade Picnic". No one will be allowed to go if they have any suspensions, excessive tardies, etc. Oh, and unpaid fines.... including library fines.

So when Second brought me that note we knew we were being pushed to action. No more standing on principle alone. Isn't there some old saying that goes something like "He who stands on principle stays at school with the principal (during the 8th Grade Picnic)"?

Here's the story. Last year - yes, that would be 7th Grade - he took out a library book. Unfortunately, he lost it. He came to me about it, and I told him he would have to pay with his own money. I mean, what better time to learn, right? So he can be more careful the next time?

But he found the book, after all, before he paid $12.50 for it. The librarian told him the fine was $4.50. He had come prepared with a $5 bill for the maximum fine. $4.50 was a pleasant surprise - now he could get a snack from the machine, too!

Incident over, done with, and forgotten. At least until last fall. The note from the library stated that he had never paid the fine.

He spoke to the assistant librarian - the one he says he paid - about it. I had him point out that he would not have gotten his report card if he hadn't paid, because that's how they do things. But the Asst. librarian told him they are not allowed to withhold report cards anymore, which was news to me.

Every month a note is sent to his homeroom teacher, diligently reminding him of this fine. She asked him about it the first month, and he explained himself. She discussed it with me during a field trip, too. She believes his story, BTW. He is not a liar, and he is not one to make up an elaborate story. She said she would discuss it with the librarian. I told her that I had advised him not to pay a fine he had already paid, that since they don't give out receipts it is their word against his and they should figure it out. Incident forgotten, again.

Until the note, this morning. This is getting desperate, people. I don't want him to miss his picnic, principle or no principle. So I went to speak to the librarian myself.

This was the first I had heard of there being an assistant involved. The main librarian didn't know anything about it. The assistant came running from the other end of the room when she heard us talking. "He did NOT pay that fine!" She seemed overly defensive to me. She also denied that the Kid had ever discussed it with her, or that the teacher had. So we first had to explain to the Head Librarian why we were just now coming in to talk about it after all these months. Please understand that I am not accusing her of anything other than not recording his payment (well, saying no one had mentioned it to her...but I suppose she could have forgotten? Though she WAS very quick to defend herself.). The head librarian assured me that the Asst. is very competent. I am not questioning that in the least. I don't know her. She may indeed be the most reliable person in the world the rest of the time. People make mistakes, of course. I admit I am tired of paying for the mistakes of others, but I suppose it all evens out somewhere along the line. Right?

But I absolutely do NOT buy it when someone says things like, "we are very thorough about this", "we've never had a complaint before", or the biggie "we don't make mistakes". Because everyone makes mistakes. Anyone who says they don't, IS a liar. I don't care if I AM the first one to complain, that means nothing. I don't care how thorough you are, or what measures you have in place to prevent mistakes. Ask my bank, who just credited me $500 of an ATM deposit THEY had misplaced and assured me that it couldn't possibly be a mistake on THEIR end. Of course the flip side of that is I have to be willing to accept and admit that the mistake could be on my end. Or even on my Kid's end. I am always willing to do that, even when I know beyond a doubt that it's not. But you know what I hate worse than all that? I hate when the person cops an attitude about it. Like this lady did. I really, really hate that, and I will fight that much harder on principle when that happens, 100% of the time.

Bottom line - they take in cash payments. They don't give receipts. It's my word against theirs. Does anyone have any doubts as to who will win this one?

I stayed calm throughout the discussion (not common for me especially with the attitude component). I thanked them for their time, and assured them I would see that it was taken care of.

On the way out, I stopped by the Assistant Principal's office and asked for a moment of her time. I calmly explained my story. I made it clear that the issue is NOT the money itself, and that I do not want my son to miss the picnic. She knows my son, knows he is a good kid, not a troublemaker. All that is beside the point, of course, I know he is no perfect angel, and I admitted that. I do happen to believe his story, and his homeroom teacher does. But without a receipt.....

What do I want out of this? I think what I want is for the library to admit that it's possible they made a mistake. EVEN IF I have to end up paying the fine. I will be happy to pay it, if it comes to that. Well, not happy, but I'll do it. . I will not ask my son to pay it. I want the library to admit it could have happened and I want them to purchase a receipt book to use for cash transactions. It's crazy that they didn't already have that in place.

Edit: Just had the call back from the school. The library is still denying any mistakes... But, they WILL start issuing receipts from now on. And we agreed that I will pay half the fine. They first offered to let him work it off in the library, but I flatly declined. As far as I am concerned, he paid the fine last year. He doesn't need to be working it off again!

"The librarian says he avoids the library", she said...as if to imply a guilty conscience?! NO, I replied. Why should he go in the library if he knows he can't check out a book? He's been walking to the public library every week all year. But he laughed when I told him this. "I go to the library with my class every week!" he says. Just doesn't check out a book, of course. He's even gone in there to do research! But they would remember that, and they don't make mistakes. Hmmmph.

So, I suppose I should have taken care of this a long time ago. Frankly, I assumed he had done so, since he hadn't mentioned it again. Sigh.